My beginning starts at age 4 and in the back of a station wagon pretending to be asleep. Having no idea why I was also pretending to be my cousins "daughter", my younger brother and I go along with this huge lie just to make it across the border and into California. My mother who had just given birth to a younger sister, was already waiting for us on the other side. My father, who later turns into a monster (oops, spoiler alert) waits proudly to make the exchange for his little children. The exact transaction is kept secret, so the details are sketchy at best.

So that's where I will begin, a small introduction. I will revert back and forth in time, my age may not be mentioned but as I go along I will try to fill in any age gaps as best as possible.

Ever since I can remember, life itself has been a struggle. Not much different than any other persons life but still filled with drama, pain, struggles and courage. I think of myself as a super mom somedays, able to do anything and everything yet still soft around the edges and able to cry at the smallest thing.

As a young child, I refused to do many things yet with the strong willed hand my father used to run the household, it was near impossible to show emotions much less have an opinion about anything. Struggles. Thats pretty much how I remember my childhood. Nothing came easy and nothing was ever handed to you unless it was indeed a hand-me-down.

So as a parent today and in my late 30's, expecting my fourth child, life takes on a significant flavor. Somedays are just plain sour and others are exteremly sweet. Looking back on my many happy years as a first-time mom I can recall thinking that my child was the best thing next to sliced bread! I gave what I had and often even when I had nothing to give. I pampered and spoiled to my hearts content and never gave a thought to my needs or desires. Those thoughts continue now, through three kids and two step kids and possibly into this new little bundle we unofficially call "baby Boo".

Knowing I'm not the only parent in the world that wouldn't walk through fire for their child, there is some comfort in the fact that my father wanted the best for his family, wanted to keep them all together and provide for them even if he never really knew how to do just that.